I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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