wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
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