My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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