Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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