What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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