i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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