Me. At least after what I've been through.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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