Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
