So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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