im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
