@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
