Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
