Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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