Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
