You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
