Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
