evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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