it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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