I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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