Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
