Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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