Your mouth is God's brothel.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
