I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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