I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
