you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
two words...techno handjob
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
