Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
