I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
