Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
