HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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