So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
