My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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