If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
