all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
