did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You may now shotgun with the bride
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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