Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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