There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
