Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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