Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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