Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
