He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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