yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
