so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
