put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
