I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
