i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
