So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
