My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
