So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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