I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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