dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
